It was a good dayย 

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Today I was me. I don’t get to say that very often lately, because I’m not quite sure which version of myself is me, but today I was calm; content; responsive; giggly; fun and silly me. Now lows; no highs.. Just consistently me. 

You might think I sound like a bit of an idiot when I say I felt like myself today, but for the last while I’ve been up; down.. High; low.. Angry; sad; morbidly depressed and ecstatically happy. I am hyper aware of myself at the moment and I’m treading on eggshells around myself, because I never know when I’m going to lose me again for a while. I would choose the manic over the depression any day; but it’s not really up to me. On the plus side, I’m beginning to understand myself better. 

I know I’m lucky and blessed to have certain people in my life. I also know that I’m a good person and while I’m not always sunshine I have the love and support of my family and friends; well, the friends who matter. 

Today I didn’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders; I didn’t feel useless or worthless or unnecessary. I didn’t feel anger or rage or hate myself or anyone else. I didn’t say or do anything hurtful to anyone I love and care about. 

This is me. Knowing that makes me relieved, because part of me was worried that I was that awful person I can become. For those who are supporting me as I work through things you should know that me, today, is eternally grateful for your love and support. ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

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There’s a bright side?ย 

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I used to write all the time, but people would get upset and offended by what I said. But now I don’t give a rats ass if it upsets you. 

You can’t talk about it. Everyone walks around you on eggshells never knowing if you’re having a good or bad day. Not even you know yourself. They can ask, but even if you’re honest they don’t get it. So, you shouldn’t talk about it. 

People are trying to be compassionate and understanding, but they say aggravating things like “don’t do that” or try to convince you about how great life is. So, don’t talk about it. They don’t get it. They’re trying to help, but it just makes you less inclined to confide in anyone to avoid hearing those things. You end up comforting them while you’re lost somewhere in your head. 

It’s not you. Well, it’s you, but it’s not who you are. But then you don’t really know where the one ends and the other begins, but no one will get that so don’t talk about it. 

You end up having to reassure everyone else when you yourself don’t know what’s going on. That’s draining. Before anyone asks; everything is fine. I’m fine. Just great. Everything is good. Is it? I’m not going to talk about it. There someone speaking on behalf of me and I don’t trust them. 

Am I fine today? The answer is: I’m fine every day. 

A wise woman…

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I had a good little giggle to myself when I saw this and while I completely agree with the sentiment I have also learnt that there are things worth fighting for and not simply walking away…

Gone are the days where we need a guy to pay for everything and do everything for us… I mean, we are pretty darn self-sufficient these days, but then I think it’s important to have a person who you can share things with. Looking after yourself financially is one thing, but there is no replacement for that special someone who gets you and who you can fight and laugh with about random nonsense.

So, sure… If they’re full of shit then walk away and if they don’t add value to your life get out of there, but friends, loved ones and your special someone will always be worth fighting for.

x

The problem with serial dating…

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2c506bd40fd7b7cf89e9ca17b9321965Yup, I am admitting thatย there is definitely a problem with serial dating. I am sure this is not a revelation for many people. I’m a pretty straight-forward and honest person; sometimes to my own detriment. I am a firm believer in people taking their time to figure things out in their own way and I am now faced with this problem… Serial dating. I actually have people say to me that they would love to go on so many dates, but my goodness; I’m over it. SO VERY OVER IT!

What is the fundamental flaw? When you finally meet someone who you have a good time with and could see yourself spending more time with you are stuck with a catch 22… what if they’re a massive dickhead and end up messing you around, BUT then what if they’re perfect? And you’ll never know because then both of your ego gets in the way and then you’re torn between giving it a shot or just continuing with dating?!?! What the actual f***?!?!

No one wants to come across as desperate, needy or clingy, but I’m so over trying to figure people and their motives out. It’s too much so if people could just tell me upfront, that would be great.

Why do we always complicate this stuff? Surely, if you like someone and they like you then you make a freaking effort to spend time together and get to know each other? And you cut all the other people out, because if you don’t you’re not giving the other person a fair chance? SURELY THESE VALID POINTS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED? Note my frustration with all of this.

I am so sick and tired of mind games and crap. People have feelings and I too am people. If you want to be possessive, insecure and stupid then do it to someone else.

That’s all.

Weird fetish people .. Leave me alone !ย 

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I’ve read up about some bizarre fetishes (if someone ever rubs their genitals up against you in a crowded place it was probably on purpose) and I have to say that whatever the fetish is .. I DONT CARE! I DONT GET IT! IM NOT INTERSTED! You can let your freak flag fly, but you’ll be flying it solo. 

I have my fair share of issues; I’ll admit that, but you won’t find me massaging your feet while you’re trying to sleep! Yes, that’s happened to me before!!! Also, I often ask myself how I ended up on a date with a guy who had an armpit fetish.. ARMPITS! If you’ve ever had a guy lean in to kiss you and grab your armpits then you’ll know what I’m talking about.. My response was: Google that shit; this is not ok! 

You do not ask a girl for pictures of her feet.. YOU FREAKS! How do I find them? No, HOW DO THEY FIND ME?!?!?! You do not rub and try to sniff a girls armpits! You just don’t.. Ever! 

Anyways.. Dating sucks! 

It takes two people to end a relationship..ย 

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No matter what you hear or what bullshit story you’re told, it always takes two people to end a relationship.  As much as it takes two people to try, it takes two people to fail as well. Those without experience in this department can keep their naive mouths shut. Yes, you judgemental f**** who live in an untouchable bubble. You can remain in your bullshit bubble. It doesn’t just happen; you can love someone as much as one person can love another and you can give and give and keep walking into that stupid, brick wall, but when it’s over you’ve both choosen to walk away from it. Neither of you are a victim. You both gave up. 

So to hell with the haters and those who choose sides; you were never in it! You don’t know! You never will. 

A relationship takes two people. All the time. Every single day. You know what hurts? Knowing you were perfect for each other, but you both messed up. You both grew in different directions and let petty, little things cloud the bigger picture. That is why hindsight is 20/20. 

There is never any comparison to the first love. But you break and heal and move on. It amazes me how you can look back on that love and realise that you neve told them often enough how much they meant to you or how much you cared about them.. 

Cรจst la vie. And before anyone wonders this is with regards to a relationship that wasn’t as banal as: was the dress white and gold or blue and kak.. 

It’s about something that lasted longer than the lifespan of a sock… 

Selfies are not for everyone – the dating saga

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Eish, well, it’s safe to say that men have not come close to perfecting the selfie. I love how in a year tinder has managed to turn into the real-life dating scene and is almost representative of a club.. Maybe even a dingy club. Sure, there are some nice and decent people around, but you have to sift through the heaps of incompatible weirdo’s to find a someone. That’s right; a someone. No, I don’t know if you can meet “the one” online. There are so many variables to consider… Don’t misunderstand me, because I’m certain that the right person does exist for everyone, but maybe some people need some help with “layout” and “representation.”

While I’ve been single the past year I have met and dated some interesting guys. I use the word interesting so that I don’t come across as the bitch, but some of them were real dickheads and I’m grateful they’re in my past – That’s what you’re going to get here, in case you were wondering. This is a females opinions and it will be based on a woman’s experiences, because I cannot experience life like a man. It’s impossible! I figured that while I go through the motions of dating I could share some stories, because why should I laugh alone?

Guys, the selfie.. You’re not meant to look like a psycho, homicidal maniac, pimp, thug or pervert! On the contrary; one should look happy and welcoming – maybe even kind and considerate. The world is already a scary place so maybe make your ‘selfies’ less awkward. If you cannot take a decent selfie then DONT USE ANY AS REPRESENTATION OF YOURSELF! I repeat.. You’re supposed to be making some small effort to put your best face on the market and creepy is not going to cut it; not in the real world and most certainly not on a platform where that’s all one has to make a judgement call. Yes, it’s judgement. When you’re out and about you don’t make eyes at people who you aren’t firstly physically attracted to. Right? You don’t think to yourself, “she looks like she has an awesome personality, I should go and talk to her.” Do you?

No one is perfect, but I refuse to believe there are that many freaks in the world! I suppose that like all single people I’m in pursuit of the love I witnessed between my mom and dad while I was growing up. 39 years together and while they piss each other off their bond is unbreakable.

Let the entertainment begin ๐Ÿ˜‰ it’s not that I’m searching… Im just enjoying my life and all it has to offer and now you can enjoy it too ๐Ÿ˜€