Category Archives: Understanding Women

Do whatever you want.. It’s a trap!

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I am sure that every couple has encountered these famous words: Do whatever you want. In fact, I think even mothers make use of this phrase when they are fed up with arguing with their children. What no one will tell you though is that “do whatever you want” is a euphemism for “if you do whatever you want there will be hell to pay.” The other tricky thing is that sometimes it really does mean that you should do whatever you feel like doing or whatever you feel is right. If you think about it the confusing part is figuring out when there will be consequences and when it is really ok to go ahead and do whatever it is you feel like doing.

Obviously, if it is said mid-argument it means that there will be consequences, but if your partner is not in the mood to argue with you about the same argument you seem to be having over and over then they are probably over it and really don’t care what you decide to do. There is no way of telling when this line will be used and what the consequences will be if there are any. I think we use it when we feel as though we are losing control of the situation and it is our final warning to the opposition. We like to keep our partners on their toes and this really does keep you guessing…

ME

We all want attention…

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You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be someone ho hates peaches

I guess when I say ‘attention’ what I really mean is that we all want approval. I have seen this quote being posted on numerous social media platforms lately and it really puts things in to perspective so I have to give a round of applause to Dita Von Teese for explaining that you cannot expect every single person on the planet to like you so articulately. I just love the analogy and every time I read it I smile, because it simplifies something that causes so many people out there to put themselves down for not being adored by every single person they meet. Yes, there are certain people who seem to grab more attention than others, but the point of this analogy is that you should not be comparing yourself to everyone else.

Now being female I am, of course, referring to my gender throughout this post. I know being secure with yourself is not something that just happens over night and we tend to go through good patches and rough patches. For some reason us females tend to crave approval and attention on a consistent basis. As the other half it probably becomes seriously exhausting to have to put up with your partners insecurities, but I cannot think of anyone I know who is not insecure in some way. Obviously, if that is a very strong quality in someone it can become annoying, because at some point you have to accept that you are who you are and you have to learn to love yourself.

I think that whenever I am feeling down I will try to remind myself of this! It is a none-cheesy way of reminding yourself that perfection does not actually exist and that there is no point in putting pressure on yourself to be “perfect” and fit in to some imaginary mould.

ME

Over-sensitive much?

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pms

Let’s call it what it is; us women can be severely over-sensitive at times, but that does not mean that people should use that as an opportunity to push our buttons and send us over the edge. For some reason men struggle to handle women when they are over-sensitive and I can understand why… we have the ability to go from being over-the-moon happy to utterly pissed off in about a split second and all it takes is one comment we deem unnecessary at that particular time. I think one of the worst side effects of PMS is that women tend to snap and it does not take all that much input from our partner to make that happen.

Why do we snap? To be honest, if you do not answer a question fast enough – and by fast enough I mean as quickly as we want you to answer the question – that is enough reason for us to bite your head off. We cannot, of course, rationalise that. If I can give the men out there any advice it would be to keep calm and the last thing you want to do is tell your girlfriend or wife to “calm down.” In fact here are some words and phrases you should eradicate from your vocabulary: “Calm down”, “chill out”, “take a chill pill”, “stop stressing”, “Are you on your period?” and probably the worst of them all, “Relax.” In fact, any variation of the afore-mentioned should be avoided completely! Saying any of those words or phrases is like waving a red flag in a bulls face.

I know it is not always easy for men to keep quiet and hold back and women can become verbally abusive when they reach boiling point, Ladies, we also need to learn to be a bit more patient and to bite back when we want to snap. Slipping every now and again is understandable, but we also need to take responsibility for our crazed, hormonal our-bursts. We expect men to tolerate our short-tempers once a month, but we also need to make an effort and not just attack our partners, because they happen to be there when we get all fired up.

ME

Paying for dates!

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Call me old-fashioned, but as far as I am concerned it is up to the guy to pay for the first date; whether the date is dinner, a movie, a coffee or whatever! I am aware that different people have different opinions when it comes to who should pay, but the majority of women agree that it is up to the man. If you want to enter the friend zone and forever be remembered as that fool who made the girl pay then split the bill with a girl on your date or leave her to pay for everything. It is basic instinct for a woman to want a man who can offer her security and part of that security includes financial security. We want to know that the man is capable of looking after us as well as himself and paying for your date says volumes about the type of man you are. I know things have changed and there are women out there who are perfectly happy to pay for themselves, but the majority rules and I recommend that the men pull up their socks and start paying for shit again! That is obviously not aimed at the men who actually do make an effort when they take a girl out. I am going to shed some light on this whole situation with real life examples.

I remember being asked out by this one guy and to save him the stuttering I suggested we go for a midday drink.  STRIKE ONE. When we were out he decided it was appropriate to blurt out this long, dull speech about how women want to be equal so why should men pay for dates. STRIKE TWO. After I paid for myself (STRIKE THREE to INFINITY) after a very quick drink he still had the nerve to dare ask me if I would date him.  My answer was ‘a world of hell no, because I only split the bill with my friends.’ If he felt that way he should not have stuttered like a fool to ask me out and waste his time, because I would have saved him the rejection had he told me he was a cheap skate. If you have stupid views like that please share them before you expect a girl to waste her time and money.

Another no-go I was told about was a guy saying he would go and draw money to pay for the meal. STRIKE ONE. After the bill arrived he still sat there saying that. STRIKE TWO.  My friend ended up paying for his meal. STRIKE THREE to INFINITY. If you want a girls opinion of you to drop to the point of no return then that is how you should behave. In all honesty if you wanted to go and draw money you would have done so before you went out. More to the point it is actually possible to swipe your card in a restaurant so that whole ‘I will go and draw money’ nonsense is a terrible excuse for ‘I am a cheap skate.’ That is just as bad as calculating what each party should pay when the bill arrives and telling the girl how much she needs to contribute. We do judge you on whether you pay or not no matter how independent we are. If the woman insists on paying for at least her share it means you are just friends.

When it comes to special occasions, such as Valentines day, as much as we tell you we hate it, we still want you to make an effort when that day comes around. Unless you have been in a relationship for longer than a year the guy should get up off his lazy butt and make you feel special! I know of men (I use the word men, but what I really want to say is chauvinistic, brainless idiots) who have actually told their girlfriends who they have not been dating for long that if they want to have a special day then they must organize it (STRIKE ONE) and pay for it (STRIKE TWO AND THREE). When a man does that you take the bastard out and you break up with him in the restaurant and leave him to pay for everything.

Some men have this crazy idea that if they pay for dinner they expect sex afterwards (STRIKE ONE, TWO, THREE and to INFINITY). Please give girls fair warning if that is how you feel about it, because I guarantee that no self-respecting girl would sleep with you just because you paid for a meal. To all the men out there who have this ridiculous expectation I suggest you punch yourself for being a jack-ass. Since when does paying for dinner suddenly mean a guy can expect a girl to get in to bed with him? I can assure you that any decent girl would rather not go out with you or with an ultimatum like that they would rather pay their own way. If you want to pay for sex go pick up a prostitute.

A man paying for the date is simply considered good manners. The only expectation should be another date if things go well. It is not our way of getting a free meal out of you it is just our way of sussing out the trash from the decent guys. If a man willingly allows you to pay for just about every meal then there is a problem and he is probably just using you. If you want to see where their loyalty lies all you do is make them pay for a meal or two and see how bitter they become because of it. I am not saying the girl should never have to pay, but at the beginning it should be up to the guy. If you have any other stories to share about men who do not pay for dates please do!

ME


					

That big, Romantic gesture!

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I have heard of some ‘romantic gestures’ that would make even the hopeless of hopeless romantics cringe! I remember hearing on the radio about this one guy who dressed up in a carrot suit and somehow got his friends to dress up in carrot suits with him, just to dance around a mall and propose to a girl. You are probably wondering where on earth the carrot suit idea comes from and apparently it was because her favorite color was orange! Now if that is what romance has been reduced to I would rather not have someone propose to me. You hear of all these ridiculous ways couples try to romance each other, but because so many of those efforts have become cliché it seems that smaller is better. If your attitude is go big or go home I suggest you go home. Romance has reached the point where too much is just über corny. It may be sad, but it is a true story. I often laugh at some of those films out there about how a girl will say something and ‘movie months’ later he still remembers what she said and develops some romantic gesture around it. Since when do guys EVER remember what women say?

I do not like the phrase ‘romance is dead’ because I think people need to take a step back and appreciate the little things that you can do for each other. A big gesture is often overrated and if it takes a big, romantic gesture to prove your love and devotion to someone then just make sure they are worth it. When I think of a romantic gesture the words ‘cheesy’, ‘cringe’ and ‘OMG’ spring to mind. I honestly believe there are better ways to make your partner feel special and loved without having to humiliate them or yourself. Many people say that after being together for years the romance goes out of the relationship, but people tend to confuse romance and the honeymoon period. Romance has nothing to do with how often you have sex. Romance is how often you remind the other person how special they are to you. Maybe if people changed their motives romance would be much easier. You do not help with the dishes or cooking because you want the end result to be sex.

Romantic gestures can also not just come out of no where! If your aim to make the person cringe and shudder then you spring romance upon them. Not everyone is keen on the idea of romance and prefer more low-key, subtle gestures. It is always important to KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. I am not saying forget about romance and shove it under the rug or that it should come from one side only.

ME

Macho man…!

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I know there is a reason guys act like big stuff in front of their friends, but I do not get the change from sweet guy to total prick.  Some men even morph into only an ego leaving witnesses shocked and confused. I know as a guy you have to maintain your ‘machoness’ and manhood, because if you don’t you are the guy who is ‘pussy whipped.’ Imagine if you were all cute and cuddly with your girlfriend in front of the guys! How would you ever be able to be the main man again? All joking aside I get that guys need to be guys, but for the sake of not having a fight at the end of the evening for becoming a complete jack ass here are some pointers that can save you from a possible sparring session with your significant other:

You do not have to straddle her, but a hand squeeze and hug here and there can make all the difference.

Do not insult her. You will lose be it right at that moment or later on when you want a bit of action. Girls withhold when guys treat them badly and think it is acceptable because it was just for a laugh. We do not get the whole insult one another for a joke thing. We talk behind each others backs for that.

Do not join in with your friends when they start teasing your girlfriend. Even if it is innocent little jabs, girls tend to take things personally whether they show it or not. Plus, your friends do not have to deal with the temper tantrum later on, you do!

Defend your girlfriend! If one of your friends is being an obnoxious little brat and saying things that are inappropriate then you should speak up. Do not take the guy off to a corner out of sight to talk to him, you bash him in front of everyone because he deserves a taste of his own medicine. Plus, you will score extra brownie points that way.

So that is about it really. You can keep your ego and not offend anyone by just being a gentleman when it counts. Guys, do you struggle with this often? I know men and women clash with regards to, well everything just about so if anyone has anything else to add please feel free!

ME

The Girl Code…

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Apparently, there are girls out there who DO NOT seem to follow this ‘Girl Code.’ Ask any guy about the ‘Guy Code’ and he could probably recite every point in detail. I do not know why girls think the Girl Code does not apply to them and to all those girls who are continuously breaking the code and then crying because they have no friends, um… I don’t care. The Code mostly applies to how girls should behave when it comes to guys. The reason for that is because there are emotions involved and why would you want to hurt your friends feelings? Different friendship groups have different codes, but the one’s I will be writing out should apply to ANY circle of girls. We are bitchy by nature so why add fuel to the fire?

1. Thou shalt not go to bed/date/hook up with ANY of thy friends ex’s! What is wrong with you? Can you not find guys who your friends have not hooked up with or something? Or is it because you friend has hooked up with them that you suddenly feel the need to validate yourself and hook up with all the guys they have been with? How sad are you! The two exceptions are if you have your friends blessing or if they could not care less. Having your friends blessing means you approached them about it and spoken about it. It is not based on your assumption!

2. Thou Shalt not bad mouth thy friends to potential boyfriends because you want them for yourself! That is unforgivable and your friend WILL find out and she will be peeved at you for good reason. Why sabotage your friends happiness for your own selfish gain? Oh, wait… it’s because you are selfish that you do that…

3. As a best friend you should NEVER NEVER look at your friends boyfriend, fiance or husband with suggestive eyes! That is a serious no go and why would you want to be a home wrecker and more to the point wreck the home of someone who is supposed to mean so much to you? Do not blame the guy for making advances, take some responsibility and keep your legs closed.

4. You should say things out of love not out of jealousy! Before you want to go and tell your friend you think someone is bad for them you should think about your reasons why. The REAL reasons why! Jealousy can drive you to do nasty things so just be clear about why you feel the way you do.

5. Do not insult your friends boyfriend and your friends boyfriend should not insult you. This is a recipe for disaster and it can only lead to them hating each other which is never a good thing.

6. Never tell your friends what to do! Advice is one thing, but you do not tell your friends to break up with a guy. You help them make the best decision for themselves and you support which ever decision they make.

7. Do not stay friends with your friends ex’s unless your friend is friends with them! Yes, you delete the guy off fb, you delete his number.. yes, you erase the memory of the sucker, because your gal pal needs you to be on her side. There are no excuses and any information you hear about the bastard you pass directly and IMMEDIATELY on to your friend.

8. Do NOT cock block your friends! If you are the jealous type get a clue. The guy does not want you, he wants your friend so suck it up and deal with it. There is no need to embarrass yourself and try to get in there where you are obviously not wanted.

9. Girl’s Night is for GIRLS ONLY! Do not invite guys with. You can spend one night every now and again away from your precious boyfriend. It will not kill either of you. Having him stand in a corner away from you at a club is NOT ON!.

10. You always defend your friends. Whether they are right or wrong you defend them. If they are wrong you can crap them out afterwards, but you stick up for them even if it makes you look stupid.

There are many more rules in the girl code, but I can guarantee if you break any of the above you will probably lose your friend. Always be a good friend because one day when you need that shoulder to cry on you know you will be surrounded by people who care. If you want to be a back-stabbing tramp whose life revolves around guys then I hope you can find a guy who sticks cause it’s all you will have! Please feel free to include any other rules you think are important!

ME