This instance is, clearly, not one of them.
Success is something that is personal and the only real measure of success is when you feel as though you have achieved something significant in your life. For me, some days success is being able to spell a word without the assistance of autocorrect; other days it is having the ability to overcome obstacles that might be hindering you from moving forward in your life.
Maybe success is something that should come in smaller packages? I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions lately and one of the boldest question you can ask yourself is; am I holding myself back?
I’ve been feeling very much not like myself lately and it’s not a good feeling to lose yourself and wonder where the fuck the real you went?! Then you start asking yourself if you were in fact the real you before you were who you are at this very moment. Do you feel as though you are tumbling down the rabbit hole with me?
Welcome to the last few months of my life! Regardless of the tumble it is always important to keep your head held high and to soldier on. You’ll get there. Even when the road seems dark the light is on its way to show you a glimpse of hope.
Now that I’ve confused the heck out of everyone that’s all I have to say about that.
I have daily curve balls being thrown at me and it all got a little overwhelming and I lost myself in all the chaos. I also lost my voice in the process, while certain voices around me always seem to have a lot to say. Am I concerned about this very new and unnerving experience in my life? Yes and no.
Yes, because I let myself get lost in the bullshit. I allowed people to make my opinion and my voice dull out into background noise and the only person I have to blame for that is me.
No, because I picked up this incredibly quirky and pointed book that is helping me gain my voice and my confidence back. On the plus side, I have all the power to take it back.
Basically, ladies, when you feel a certain way there is a reason for it. You have to dig deep and really know who you are to be able to smack your inner goddess and get a wake-up call. You cannot spend eternity in confusion and disarray and continue to blame people around you. You dust the shame off of letting yourself down and you kick butt. Like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill (all the volumes). Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer in just about every episode. Like Britney Spears after 2007. Like Carrie after Big (every single time). Like every female hero you have ever looked up to who has gotten right back up and given anyone who ever doubted her a fist full of dirt.
Now the question is… Are you with me?
I used to look up to certain people in my life when I was younger, because they were older or seemed to have it all figured out. Now that I am older I look at those people and I wonder when they missed the mark in life? I guess my point is that;
- Older does not translate to knowing what you want out of life or having any kind of direction
- My level and expectation of “s*** together” has changed as I have grown up and gotten my metophorical “s*** together”
- And, maybe you should be careful about who you respect as an adult, because some of them are utter fools
It’s funny how life swings around like that and I hope that people who look up to me are never disappointed.
I see I’m not the only one with insomnia; but at least my actions are not drowning an entire country for selfish gain. Everything that’s happened tonight and this am explains why more and more people are looking to GTFO out of this country. I feel kind of sad about that, because good and bad; this is home to myself and so many millions of people. Now it’s a broken home.
Politics aside, my insomnia is back. Cruel, old friend. I was about 15 seconds into the new IT trailer and decided that if I saw that face I would NEVER get back to sleep, so thank you to my brain for being quick enough to say “hell, no” to that imagery. I may lose sleep, but I seem to have found that voice that has been lost for the past couple of years so I’m taking this as a reasonably good thing.
I have woken up to the stillness of the night; to this oppressive silence. No one to speak to, aside from the dogs, who are peacefully sleeping the night away. All I have is BREAKING news and there is nothing I can do about that either. I believe they call that life. Things happen to you, around you, near you and it is simply life.
So that is that. For tonight the only sleep I will get will be pretend sleep, but at least the puppies are sleeping soundly. Perhaps this weekend I will find the will to sleep, but if not, I go prepared with books filled with flights of fancy to occupy this busy mind 🙂
It feels good to be back… this feels familiar.
People are always searching for that some-thing that makes life worth living; that makes life worth while. Well, if you don’t love yourself then all you’re doing is searching for co-dependency.
People will stand in your way and people will make you feel as though you are less than what you are; don’t listen to them.
Be you? Be-you-ti-ful
It might sound cheesy.. It might seem like a banal statement that lacks enthusiasm, but it’s true.
Be you. Being happy being you doesn’t mean that you think you are without faults; it just means that you accept your faults and you continue regardless of them. Do not let anyone make you feel like being you is not good enough. Only you know your intentions and who you truly are.