Category Archives: The Book

Snippet 3…

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That was until I had been dumped over the phone by the latest douche. For some reason girls like to take their emotions out on their hair and this was no exception. I went from being a blonde with hair down to my bum to a brunette with a bob and just so you know once you have made that decision there is no going back. It felt good to look different and I figured that a change was as good as a holiday. Besides, it is hair so it would grow back eventually.

It did not matter. I would have an amazing holiday in spite of all the heart ache and I would come out the other side a little stronger and hopefully this time a little wiser. Let me tell you, there is nothing like a road trip with some of your best girl friends to help get you over a guy. Off we went the three of us ready to cause trouble wherever we went!

The days consisted of waking up around eleven and getting ready to go to the beach for the afternoon. There is something about a beach that just makes you happy. If you are unhappy on a beach then you have real issues. The beach made me feel great! Toes in the sand; sunnies over my eyes while the sun slowing bronzed my skin. We played every beach game we could until it came time to go home and get ready for sun-downers.

When we arrived home we would hot box the bathroom. Now that stuff will take away all your worries. I had never been that naughty before and it felt so good to not have to worry for a change. I did not have to answer to my parents or some guy; I could just chill out and do whatever I wanted to without feeling guilty. I learned to roll a pretty good joint that holiday and I learned to hit a bong! That is a life skill that will not take you very far, but on a bad day it can come in handy.

It was great being so carefree and going out to party until four in the morning. That is what your youth is for; to go out, get drunk, meet hot guys who give you attention and make you feel good and then crawl in to bed, sleep, wake-up and repeat! I don’t know if I really felt better but at least I could forget about whatever it was I was feeling at the time. I could bury the emotional turmoil until a more appropriate stage where I could actually begin to deal with it. Honestly, I was still madly in love with the asshole and even though I shouldn’t at that time I probably would have taken him back if he had asked; but he didn’t. I didn’t hear from him until he came back and he wanted me to organise some VIP club entrance for him. As a social butterfly people get to know you and you can ask favours every once in a while. I have no idea why I offered to help him out, but I blame denial and a serious case of bad judgement on my part. After that I never heard from him again. So I could just continue to enjoy my holiday that I seemed to be going through in a kind of daze.

… to be continued.

The next bit of the story…

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We ended where the call was over and Nicki had been dumped…

He hung up on me? Do I call him back and yell insults back at him? He just ruined all my plans for the future and just ripped my heart out in one swift motion. So I did what any normal, emotional, raging 18-year-old would do; I ripped up every picture of us, every letter and chopped up every choppable gift the prick had ever given me.

At first each rip only fuelled my rage instead of having the calming effect I had expected it to have. I ripped and cut and cried until there was nothing left to massacre. Every time I saw ‘I love you’ in his hand writing I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. It was probably a good thing that I was home alone, because I may have been booked in to insane asylum if anyone had seen me. I went looking for anything he may have given me that I could rip up or destroy in some way and then I remembered his text messages and voice messages that were left on my phone. I began deleting texts; I didn’t even bother reading any of them because they were all a lie. Nothing he had said in them seemed true anymore however much I stood there wishing they did. I deleted until there was nothing left on my phone or in me.

The anger faded in to sadness and there was nothing for me to do but cry. My cries turned in to sobs until my head hurt and then I couldn’t even cry anymore. He had taken away my will to cry.

What a rubbish start to adulthood. I sat on the floor in my bedroom surrounded by paper mulch. What had started off as an innocent conversation to catch up had turned in to the worst conversation of my life. Once again, I am 18 so you can forgive the hyperbolic statements. What kind of mean, cold-hearted, son of a bitch does that? I picked up all the mulch and the funny thing was I did not throw it away. Instead I piled it all in to a box and I put it in the back of my cupboard where I would not see it every day.  To tell you the truth it was not the first time I had, had my heart broken, but this was a new kind of pain. Also, I would soon discover that there is a world of A-class assholes out there just waiting to break a girl’s heart.

I think it is the humiliation of it that stings the most, because everything was going great until it just… it just… well, it just ended so abruptly I’m not even sure if it was going as well as I thought it was? How rude to break up with someone just because you want to go on a nice little holiday and hook up with a bunch of random girls. Not necessarily at the same time, but you know what I mean. That could be the only reason he would have broken up with me and at least he had the decency to break up with me instead of cheat on me, but he could have had the balls to admit why he was really doing it.

It reminded me of the time I was stupidly in another long distance relationship. I obviously do not learn my lesson first time around. I remember getting a text; yes, that is right! I received this in the form of a text message which is just another level of unforgivable, telling me that he had met another girl, but I was so amazing and I would find someone else and move on. Finding someone else and moving on is never the problem nor is that going to make you breaking things off with me ok. That time I decided I would wait until the little shit got back home, make sure he would fall for me again and before he went back he had broken it off with the other girl and was begging to have me back. My answer was of course no. It was nice to receive flowers every day and other little gifts, but I had already moved on to someone else. Plus, I knew the flowers would eventually become boring and I would just throw them away and forget about the guy. I had won and that was all I really wanted so in Nicki vs Douche Bags the score Nicki – 1 Douche bags – 0 .