If I have to hear the words “you’ll be fine,” ” you deserve better,” “it takes time” or “other people have it worse” then I might just decapitate you or myself… I’m undecided. First of all, I know I’ll be fine, but can a girl feel crappy without being told that in time she will be fine? At that point the thought of getting through another minute seems like agony! At the point where you’re heart is breaking and it feels as though it has an anchor tied to it the last thing you’re looking for is the freaking silver lining. I’m not Annie; I’m not about to burst into song about the sun coming out tomorrow. If you want to comfort someone let them speak; let them say why they are hurt, because they’re trying to make sense of everything. Also, emotional pain is relative. Please do not compare me to some orphan who was abandoned or abused or something like that; don’t guilt me into feeling bad for being in pain.
Here’s the other thing, there is no need to make someone the villain of the piece to make the other person feel better. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Most of the time everyone involved is wrong or had some part to play in the whole thing. Sometimes in life we mess up on a colossal scale and that’s ok. Having friends and family to lean on is important, but don’t do the name calling. No one likes to see people who they care about hurting.
I am more than the poor choices I have made this year. I’ve also made some pretty insanely great, life changing decisions! The thing is I cannot keep bashing my head against the wall and reprimanding myself for what I said, otherwise I will be an emotional masochist. I’ve spent a huge portion of this year at war with myself, conflicted between who everyone wants me to be and who I really am. I just have to look at the friends who I am blessed to have in my life who have stood by my side through the perpetual high’s and lows of this year. I must be a pretty damn good person to have people like them who support me through my crazy times.
I never asked to be seen as perfect or to be put on a pedestal; I am unapologetically me.
I grew up living in fairy-tales and while that sounds like butterflies, sunshine and rainbows it has ruined my perception of love and shrouded my reality with unrealistic expectations. Yes… I had this ridiculous idea that one day ‘prince charming” would sweep me off my feet and things would just fall into place and happen so naturally and easily. Neither of those words apply to what actually happens when you meet someone. See, the reality is that you meet someone and for the first 24 hours (if you’re lucky) it is all exciting, but then that excitement is replaced by fear and reservations, because people are not honest about their intentions and we all hold our hearts back so that we do not get hurt.
And so the cat and mouse game ensues. It is exhausting. See, in fairy-tales there is some evil person who is trying to keep the prince and princess from happiness; the love is there and they want to be together, but the evil w(b)itch just won’t let it happen. In reality, we are the evil person, because we create all these obstacles that prevent us from ever just letting go of all the “what if’s” and just allowing ourselves to feel the rush and enjoy each moment without questioning everything. Yes, I sound like a child with a silly fantasy. Sometimes there is a small part of me that still wants to hold on to the belief that the childish idea of love still exists and not just for my sake, but for everyone out there who has a heart filled with love.
It’s not just about finding someone who loves you, but finding someone who let’s you love them back with your whole heart. I say I have forgotten about fairy-tale love and that I think it’s nonsense, but I think it’s part of who I am… and that’s ok 🙂 It isn’t ideal, but it beats being the cynical girl who started writing this post…
One of my amazing friends said to me the other day; ” Your head is just above water after everything you’ve been through lately and you need to keep it there.” Then yesterday my colleagues and I were having a laugh about all the ridiculous stories I entertain them with on a Monday. Yes, my weekends have turned into one hilarious event after the next and I like to make people laugh so we laugh together at all the ridiculousness 🙂 Some people can’t seem to laugh at it though and rather they sit there and judge you. That’s ok too 🙂 I judge people all the time. I have been called unstable, a bitch, a skank, a whatever; I have been told that I have changed and then I remembered that movie “Little Black Book” where she says at the beginning of a the movie:
Question: How does a girl who falls... No, actually, she jumps...eyes open, down a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos... come out the other end unchanged?
Anyone jumping down a rabbit hole into chaos will come out the other end changed. You learn more about who you are and you learn more about the people around you who you call friends. I’m not relating this to me specifically; I am actually letting everyone know that it is ok to go through changes in your life and not be the person who you were before all the drama and chaos. It’s ok to not be a perfect person all of the time and the people who really know you and love you will always see the good in you. It’s not about making everyone else happy; if you’re happy that will happen on its own.
Who wants to be perfect? I would much rather live with my foot in my mouth and not have to watch my ps’ and q’s 🙂 besides, life is supposed to be fun and everyone keeps making everything too serious. I would rather be laughing about random nonsense with everyone I meet 😛
I have not written a post in a very, very long time, but I have this sudden inspiration to write about something, because I want to make it clear that I am not a weak person and there is no ways I will allow people to draw ridiculous conclusions about me and make me out to be some sort of crazy person. Yes, you on your pedestals who think you know better and can dictate to me who I should be.. You bitches who think I don’t think I know that deep down you’re all insecure with who you are think that by breaking others down you can feel better about yourself.
I am happy to accept responsibility for my actions and admit when I have done wrong. I will even go to the ends of the earth to make up for my wrong doings. I never said I am a perfect person and I never expect others to be perfect either. I suppose it’s always nice to know that when you’re in a bad space the people who have been in your life for long and who you have built relationships with are there because they care about you and want to help you succeed.. not because they want to find any which way possible to break you down and hurt you.
“Unstable????” Yes, I am about to defend myself, because I am by no means “unstable.” It’s made me laugh for the past few days. Apparently, no one else on the planet has ever had an emotional break-down after being off their face drunk and fluctuated between being happy and sad. It is amazing how a single event suddenly boils down to a person being emotionally unstable… and defines the person. My opinion.. it just gives the sociopath the exact ammunition they were looking for to humiliate you and break you down. Luckily, I am not easily humiliated and I can laugh at myself when I do silly things and hopefully learn from those experiences and move on.
When I look at all the factors that sum up a sociopath I now know what the motive has been all the time considering the past few weeks behavior. Look, I am never going to apologize for the fact that I am an attractive girl and I am never going let the jealousy of others bring me down. I am beginning to get used to people finding new ways of putting me down and that is why I can’t be friends with people who are insecure about the way they look. Vain? No.. it’s just the sad truth. I am not the one who says that having a pretty face makes me any better than anyone else. If you really want a showdown with me then bring it on; but don’t break me down to others behind my back and draw petty conclusions about who I am.
Just to help everyone this is how you can spot a sociopath – and the people I am sub-texting about throughout this post are sociopaths and will get theirs.. that is a promise:
1) Sociopaths are charming
2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people
3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse
4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about others
5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and “win” at all costs
6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent
7) Sociopaths are incapable of love
8) Sociopaths never apologize
9) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth
To those who have allowed themselves to be manipulated by the sociopaths and jumped on the bullshit-bandwagon.. You wait and see; when they no longer need anything from you then you will probably be chewed up and spat out much in the same way. Am I a victim? Nope… I’m just “unstable.”
Hmmmm.. this one makes me think! The wheels in my head are turning to figure out if we should expect people to mean what they say, because that is how you would operate or is it just naive? I guess if you don’t mean something why say it? I think this one depends entirely on who you are and how you like to operate. I’ve learnt to not have expectations when it comes to people and maybe that is a little sad. The way I feel is that I would want someone to speak honestly about how they felt, because you can’t be expected to communicate properly if you don’t mean the things you say. From a relationship perspective – whether with friends or your significant other – this is a valid little something to think about.
Before I confuse myself I hope this have given us all something to think about!
Some people throw their arms up in the name of honesty to defend their offensive comments and although being honest is a good quality to have there is another little something the honest people should learn.. it’s a little something called tact. It is much easier to be a massive bitch and just open your gob and say whatever comes in to your head. You’ll probably shrug your shoulders, because you cannot understand why people do not appreciate your honesty. I can tell you now that it’s not that people don’t appreciate honesty it’s that they do not appreciate the way you present the information.
There are many times where I want to be brutally honest, but I have learnt to stop and think about how and what I say will affect the other person. I think it is great to be honest to people and I can appreciate honesty if the person who is being honest with me has the decency to consider my feelings in the process. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings when I am being honest with them and it’s taken time to learn that it’s not what you say but how you say it. I would hate the result of my words to cause any of my friends to be upset and that is why I firmly believe that there is always a way to approach honesty where it does not seem as though you are being inconsiderate.
I suppose we all learn as we go along and I have apologised for many “honest” outbursts that may have offended people when I never intended it that way. I still have those random little outbursts but for the most part I like to coat my honesty with a layer of love so that my friends know whatever I say is coming from a good place… and I expect no different from them. If they need to talk to me about something then I want them to know that they can, but if they don’t want to consider my feelings then they should expect the same in return.
We all do it; we insult someone and follow it up with “I was just joking” because that is supposed to take the edge off of the insult. Well, what if sometimes the “joke” went too far and the subject didn’t find it funny and was actually offended by it? Are you suddenly over-sensitive or you can’t take a joke, because the other person was “just kidding?” If you want to poke fun at people, and we all do, then you have to realise that sometimes you probably are taking it too far and you probably have offended them. I am not talking about the people who have no sense of humour whatsoever. You have to learn to laugh at yourself, but you are also entitled to get a little ticked off when someone takes the joke, joke, joke too far.
We all have issues that we are sensitive about and as soon as people begin “poking fun” at those issues it’s only a matter of time before you get fed-up and you stop finding the little jabs funny. Taking something too far is also not the end of the world and a simple “I didn’t mean to offend you” or “sorry, I took it too far” usually makes up for being a little insensitive. What I don’t get is how the person joking/insulting you suddenly thinks it’s acceptable to blow up in your face because you couldn’t laugh at their joke/insult? Erm…
Guys poke fun at one another way more than girls do – we like to bitch behind the other persons back instead. Neither of those are alright, but it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. What’s the moral of the story? Figure that out for yourself.