Today I was me. I don’t get to say that very often lately, because I’m not quite sure which version of myself is me, but today I was calm; content; responsive; giggly; fun and silly me. Now lows; no highs.. Just consistently me.
You might think I sound like a bit of an idiot when I say I felt like myself today, but for the last while I’ve been up; down.. High; low.. Angry; sad; morbidly depressed and ecstatically happy. I am hyper aware of myself at the moment and I’m treading on eggshells around myself, because I never know when I’m going to lose me again for a while. I would choose the manic over the depression any day; but it’s not really up to me. On the plus side, I’m beginning to understand myself better.
I know I’m lucky and blessed to have certain people in my life. I also know that I’m a good person and while I’m not always sunshine I have the love and support of my family and friends; well, the friends who matter.
Today I didn’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders; I didn’t feel useless or worthless or unnecessary. I didn’t feel anger or rage or hate myself or anyone else. I didn’t say or do anything hurtful to anyone I love and care about.
This is me. Knowing that makes me relieved, because part of me was worried that I was that awful person I can become. For those who are supporting me as I work through things you should know that me, today, is eternally grateful for your love and support. 💗💗💗