If I have to hear the words “you’ll be fine,” ” you deserve better,” “it takes time” or “other people have it worse” then I might just decapitate you or myself… I’m undecided. First of all, I know I’ll be fine, but can a girl feel crappy without being told that in time she will be fine? At that point the thought of getting through another minute seems like agony! At the point where you’re heart is breaking and it feels as though it has an anchor tied to it the last thing you’re looking for is the freaking silver lining. I’m not Annie; I’m not about to burst into song about the sun coming out tomorrow. If you want to comfort someone let them speak; let them say why they are hurt, because they’re trying to make sense of everything. Also, emotional pain is relative. Please do not compare me to some orphan who was abandoned or abused or something like that; don’t guilt me into feeling bad for being in pain.
Here’s the other thing, there is no need to make someone the villain of the piece to make the other person feel better. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Most of the time everyone involved is wrong or had some part to play in the whole thing. Sometimes in life we mess up on a colossal scale and that’s ok. Having friends and family to lean on is important, but don’t do the name calling. No one likes to see people who they care about hurting.
I am more than the poor choices I have made this year. I’ve also made some pretty insanely great, life changing decisions! The thing is I cannot keep bashing my head against the wall and reprimanding myself for what I said, otherwise I will be an emotional masochist. I’ve spent a huge portion of this year at war with myself, conflicted between who everyone wants me to be and who I really am. I just have to look at the friends who I am blessed to have in my life who have stood by my side through the perpetual high’s and lows of this year. I must be a pretty damn good person to have people like them who support me through my crazy times.
I never asked to be seen as perfect or to be put on a pedestal; I am unapologetically me.