Day 4.. How I ricochet between certainty and doubt



I know I am quoting Sylvia Plath in the title, but it just seemed a very apt description for how I felt yesterday and how I’m feeling this morning. Certain that everything will be as it is meant to be; but because I’m painting a picture in my head I have set an expectation and that’s dangerous. I have this picture on my phone that is there to remind me about what I want every single day. That guy who wrote that book ‘the secret’ had better not have made all of that up..

I got to have a catch up with a friend who I have known for years! It was as if no time had passed since we last saw each other and she’s always been a constant in my life…Since we were teens! I think I spoke her ear off, but it was just amazing to hug her again. It was good to see someone who knew me prior to my ‘phase’. It was reassuring to be told that, all things considered, I have managed to pull myself together fairly quickly.

All the love and emotions I locked away for a while have come back. I kept trying to keep them hidden; like when your suitcase is so full that you have to sit on it to zip it up? Yes, I am full of emotions!!! Like a fluffy pillow that you want to snuggle 🙂  If I hug you for longer than necessary when I see you, just know it’s because I’m a little bubble of love and it’s not weird! If I say mushy things it’s because I mean them. I’ve never EVER been this happy to be me before and this terrified at the same time.

This might sound like the most obvious thing in the world to everyone, but I had tied my emotions to people; things; substances; experiences; and now I realise that I am the only constant in my life. The same goes for everyone. You need to be indescribably happy with who you are, otherwise, when you don’t have one of the other things you feel as though you’re missing something. You’re missing you. The other things are a bonus.


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