I woke up this morning feeling tired and guarded. This whole opening up and questioning the universe thing is really draining. I made a joke! However, my first night in Cape Town was exactly what I have been needing! As I walked into our flat I thought to myself: Home! It felt good to feel home and comfortable. I have missed that feeling. I want a home like that; one that I build with someone that is filled with love, amazing memories and when you walk through the door it won’t matter what day you’ve had, because you’re home. I even found my bum mug and had tea in it! I love my bum mug… I carted it all the way back from Greece MANY years ago 🙂
I had an internal debate about whether to brave the cold and walk along the beachfront or not and then my mom convinced me. I even sat on one of the benches for a little while and just stared. My mind was pretty occupied with a few things, but I was acutely aware of how insignificant all of that can seem when you realize that it’s all just a drop in the ocean. I guess that’s what the feeling of contentment is. While fleeting, it was the first time in a long time that my mind felt at ease. Although, in that moment I was missing someone.
My sabbatical from Twitter and Facebook is going… Well, I still check up on things! I see pictures of my friend’s with their significant others and babies and I know I want that. I used to resent the engagements and “parents to be” announcements, but I’m done fighting it. I want it all. I have only responded to one person, but I guess that’s the thing about realising what and who is important to you. Blocking out all the other noise has been most helpful and I am trying to take control, which I guess is a good thing. It’s a lot easier to take control than we realise. The hard part is trusting yourself after you have let things get as bad as they have. I am reminded of a quote: “No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.”