This is what I spent my flight doing... If people thought I was over-thinking before, removing all the distractions from my life has increased the amount of free time I now have to over analyze everything. I am aware that it hasn't even been 24 hours-Eeeeekkkkkkk!!! It's good though :) very good. I don't feel the need to force that I'm tough and post motivational crap about how everything is fantastic even though it will be. I have no doubts about that. What has hit me like a ton of bricks though is that I used to think I was self-aware, but now I see that I am self-deprecating. You know why that is? I thought it was better to admit my shortcomings before people pointed them out. WTF?!?! That's why today I am in WTF mode. Who in their right mind puts them-self down to make others feel better about themselves? If you do that STOP IT! It is unhealthy, unnecessary and I'm always the first one to tell my friends to stop doing that. I'm amazing! Yup, I said it. I've won awards for my writing. I've won awards for my acting. If I can, I will try to win awards for the company I'm putting my heart and soul into. I have such a soft and kind heart, I'm hilarious, supremely intelligent, dedicated and I'm easy on the eyes. I have the most supportive, strong, reliable and gorgeous friends anyone could ever hope for and I think I'm a darn good friend to my friends- sorry, I've been horribly needy lately. My parents and all my siblings- the one I grew up with (love you brother dear and thanks for your support lately) and the others who opened their hearts and homes to me- are irreplaceable.
I'm going to quote p!nk now (you should prepare yourself for numerous pop culture references, because they're awesome): "Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead" Life can be chaotic and cold and you'll have so many people against you that the one person you always need on your side is you. I don't think anyone ever has it all figured out, but we find pieces of our puzzle along the way. Sometimes we'll gives pieces of our puzzle away when we shouldn't and there will be people who try to break you while you're building yourself and make you vulnerable, but the good news is that at some point when you're strong enough you will find that your pieces fit perfectly into someone else's and you'll start building something really amazing together. You're still going to slip up and make mistakes along the way. Breathe; because, it's ok. xxx