I think what’s important here is the realisation that while it hurts; and I mean it’s a gaping hole in your heart that you cannot mend sort of pain, but no matter what, you can eventually overcome it and move on… and I will get there. I have been so concerned with not disappointing anyone and reassuring them that I would be alright so that no one worried about me that I forgot to feel anything… Now I have emotions pouring out of me whether I like it or not and it’s time to face it all. I’ve been pushing everyone away and closing myself off, but that’s ok, because I have great friends and they let me sulk and hurt on my own for a bit. Now they’re right back in there helping me pick myself up. My friend saw me ugly cry and she didn’t run away… the girl deserves a medal! (I haven’t lost my sense of humour)!!!
Is everything going to work out? I keep being told that I’m loving, caring, funny, sexy, smart, beautiful, fun, (a little crazy) and sugar and spice and all things nice. I know it’s all true. I’m a princess, but right now my heart feels as though it has been crumpled up, flattened, folded up and then torn into millions of little pieces only to be stomped on again… I didn’t know what broken was until I woke up on Tuesday morning and the pain was so acute I couldn’t ignore it.
And that’s what I’ve been trying to do… start all over again. I think sometimes we are so terrified of appearing weak that we hide our fears and we ignore what’s going on inside of us. there is always much to be thankful for in one’s life, but when you’re hurting you seem to forget about those things. I want great love; inconvenient, eat ice-cream in the middle of winter together, laugh abundantly, fold into each others arms, talk about everything, can’t live without each other kind of love.