The Guilt Trip!

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Yes, we all know this little technique so well, because we have either made use of it, make use of it or have had people use it against us. Some of us are masters of the guilt trip and we do not even realize we are doing it anymore. Sometimes it works and sometimes you end up aggravating the other person, because they know your tricks too well. It happens in relationships, friendship circles and even at work. The problem with guilt tripping is that people will eventually figure you out and will take everything you say with a pinch of salt. First, we need to understand why people make use of the guilt trip. The main reason for guilt tripping others is because you want to get them to do what you want to do. A guilt trip can often be used as an excuse to get yourself out of trouble and rather evoke sympathy from the other party. Either way, it is manipulation and at some point in our lives we have all done it!

The way to avoid a guilt trip is to never be afraid to use the word NO! For example, when your friends want to go to a place you do not like for the second weekend in a row when you agreed to not do that, you have earned the right to turn around and say NO. People will persist with their guilt trip and they do not give up easily so you have to become a stuck record and repeat the NO, no, no until it sinks in. You should also pin point the guilt trippers around you and watch out for signs of the manipulation tactics. If you kung-fu their guilt trip from the word go they will know to not try that nonsense with you. Some people have really mastered the art of guilt tripping so you had better master the art of counter acting the guilt trip.

Guilt tripping is selfish behavior and if you are a moderately decent person you will fall victim to it. They prey on the weak so best you buy yourself some boxing gloves and toughen up. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for someone else’s emotions, only your own, so if something is not going to make you happy then say it. Guilt tripping is also known as emotional blackmail and that seems to provide a more graphic description of guilt tripping. The next time someone turns around and says to you ‘After all I’ve done for you’ be prepared to dust it off your shoulders, laugh and let them have their little tantrum because they didn’t get their way. People who use family deaths as a way to guilt trip others should not be allowed to speak! They will try to make you feel as though you have put your foot straight in to your mouth, but often they do not deserve the sympathy!

If you have any emotional blackmail stories that take the cake, please feel free to share!

ME

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2 responses »

  1. My mother in law is constantly using guilt trips as a way of getting attention & having her own needs met. She has done it with her two children their whole lives & as a result both hate been accussed of doing anything. She also plays her children off each other eg telling her son that he’s sister never visits her or her side of family or that she is lazy. However when she is happy with her daughter she boasts about what a good cook she is & how she bought her new bag
    etc… We are currently on the receiving end of her guilting as we don’t live near by. I as daughter in law did not console her enough when she couldn’t find her phone charger (yes a phone charger) she developed into a full blown tantrum & told me I didn’t appreciate anything she’d done for me. I was 8 months pregnant at the time & was going to have a spa treatment with my own mom, that my mom paid for as a pregnacy treat.. She obviously felt left out & boy did I hear about it..
    Her husband & daughter have now taken to guilting us too as we don’t live near by (we live near my family which they hate) & live our own lives. However I am finding it so difficult to be around them in the past 2 years as I know they are trying to manipulate
    us into doing what they want. Any suggestions??

    • That sounds like a terrible thing to have to live with and from what you say it seems like a desperate cry for attention from her side. I am not a professional, but at the end of the day she is not your mother and it is not solely up to you to entertain her and keep her happy. A great tactic my boyfriend taught me is to avoid any conversation that has a hint of negativity and to immediately change the subject or end the conversation. Also, do not contact them! if they call then you can answer, but do not be the one to get in touch with them. They will soon realize that something is wrong. Another tip that might help is to stop caring. The only reason it’s working is because you are allowing her opinion to have an affect on you. The more you ignore the guilt tripping and continue to enjoy your life with your family in-spite of the pettiness from the in-laws the less impact it will have on you.

      Focus on the good things and hopefully they will change their attitude towards you and your family.

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