We ended where the call was over and Nicki had been dumped…
He hung up on me? Do I call him back and yell insults back at him? He just ruined all my plans for the future and just ripped my heart out in one swift motion. So I did what any normal, emotional, raging 18-year-old would do; I ripped up every picture of us, every letter and chopped up every choppable gift the prick had ever given me.
At first each rip only fuelled my rage instead of having the calming effect I had expected it to have. I ripped and cut and cried until there was nothing left to massacre. Every time I saw ‘I love you’ in his hand writing I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. It was probably a good thing that I was home alone, because I may have been booked in to insane asylum if anyone had seen me. I went looking for anything he may have given me that I could rip up or destroy in some way and then I remembered his text messages and voice messages that were left on my phone. I began deleting texts; I didn’t even bother reading any of them because they were all a lie. Nothing he had said in them seemed true anymore however much I stood there wishing they did. I deleted until there was nothing left on my phone or in me.
The anger faded in to sadness and there was nothing for me to do but cry. My cries turned in to sobs until my head hurt and then I couldn’t even cry anymore. He had taken away my will to cry.
What a rubbish start to adulthood. I sat on the floor in my bedroom surrounded by paper mulch. What had started off as an innocent conversation to catch up had turned in to the worst conversation of my life. Once again, I am 18 so you can forgive the hyperbolic statements. What kind of mean, cold-hearted, son of a bitch does that? I picked up all the mulch and the funny thing was I did not throw it away. Instead I piled it all in to a box and I put it in the back of my cupboard where I would not see it every day. To tell you the truth it was not the first time I had, had my heart broken, but this was a new kind of pain. Also, I would soon discover that there is a world of A-class assholes out there just waiting to break a girl’s heart.
I think it is the humiliation of it that stings the most, because everything was going great until it just… it just… well, it just ended so abruptly I’m not even sure if it was going as well as I thought it was? How rude to break up with someone just because you want to go on a nice little holiday and hook up with a bunch of random girls. Not necessarily at the same time, but you know what I mean. That could be the only reason he would have broken up with me and at least he had the decency to break up with me instead of cheat on me, but he could have had the balls to admit why he was really doing it.
It reminded me of the time I was stupidly in another long distance relationship. I obviously do not learn my lesson first time around. I remember getting a text; yes, that is right! I received this in the form of a text message which is just another level of unforgivable, telling me that he had met another girl, but I was so amazing and I would find someone else and move on. Finding someone else and moving on is never the problem nor is that going to make you breaking things off with me ok. That time I decided I would wait until the little shit got back home, make sure he would fall for me again and before he went back he had broken it off with the other girl and was begging to have me back. My answer was of course no. It was nice to receive flowers every day and other little gifts, but I had already moved on to someone else. Plus, I knew the flowers would eventually become boring and I would just throw them away and forget about the guy. I had won and that was all I really wanted so in Nicki vs Douche Bags the score Nicki – 1 Douche bags – 0 .