Crowd Etiquette.


The phrase ‘Can’t take you anywhere’ really does apply to some people out there. When you go to an event where you are going to be shoulder to should with other human beings there are a couple of guide lines you should follow before you enter in to the venue:

1. Take a shower! If you are one of those people who tends to perspire a lot then load on the underarm! It is never nice to be stuck next to someone with B.O because instead of enjoying the show you have to focus on holding your breath and breathing at intervals where you will not inhale the stench. Another guide line that goes hand in hand with this is please wear clean clothes. Not clean as in ‘you washed them 3 days ago and they do not smell ripe yet to you.’ CLEAN! You may be used to your stench but how can you expect everyone else to be? Also, chew some gum or brush your teeth.

2. Please save your gas relief for after the show! You may think it is funny to drop a sneaky one in a crowd or that no one will notice, but it is just wrong. It smells good to you, but to everyone else it is vile. If you insist on passing gas go to the bathroom and do it. I know people have to get it out, but there is no need to have bad manners about it and let rip where people are trying to have some fun.

3. DON’T walk around with a full drink! Have some sense people. Use the minuscule pee brain you have. If you walk around in a crowd with a full cup you are going to spill it on people and because it is avoidable it is unforgivable. I don’t care if someone else knocks you. It is a crowd of people, everyone is getting knocked from side to side.

4. You cannot just push you way to the front! Everyone wants to be at the front of the stage. EVERYONE! If you arrive 10 minutes after a show starts deal with the fact that you will be stuck at the back. DO not be an idiot and try to push through all the people who had the sense to get there earlier to get the good spots. Try arriving on time and you may get a good spot. If you choose to stand in a long queue to get a drink then suffer the consequences. People are fierce and they will hurt you.

5. Do not fight with the people next to you! It is unnecessary and just because you may think everyone is talking about you and laughing about you does not mean they are. Hyper sensitive much? Plus, it means the whole night the two groups next to each other will keep at it until the one moves away. A show is supposed to be fun so do not be an ass and ruin it for everyone. If you are immature and you do not know how to behave then stay at home.

6. Do not get mad at the tall people! Tall people are not tall on purpose. You cannot tell someone who is tall to move out of your way because you are short or shorter. If you have a problem then jump. They bought their ticket just as you did and if they can get a better view because of their height then so be it.

If you wish to be a smelly, rowdy, insensitive jerk-off then I request you rather purchase the DVD at some stage and watch the show from the comfort of your own home where you cannot piss anyone off. Otherwise, try to make an effort to be a decent human being in public and everyone will get along just fine. Are there any other points anyone would like to add? I touched on a few but I am sure there are more out there! Please do let me know.



2 responses »

  1. LOL I loved this!
    It is funny and I laugh BUT quite true. I have a problem with tall folks myself, as I am tall but someone taller will always plonk in front of me.
    You’re right they bought their ticket just as I did. I just should wear heels hahahahaha yes!!!

    • My boyfriend is tall and I know he feels bad when people can’t see over him, but he can’t help it. And I have had people be really rude to him about it, but it’s not on. Not everyone can be 5 feet tall 🙂 I think big hair is worse because come on, you can cut People can’t see through big hair!!

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