We have had the poo talk before when it comes to couples and friendships, but now it is time for the public toilet rant! You can smell a public toilet a mile off. That stinky, ingrained, potent urine smell is unmistakable. I cannot stand that smell, but when you have to pee it’s not exactly the kind of thing you can hold in for long. Sometimes I wish someone would invent some nasal cover with a fresh smell that you could attach to your face for the duration of your stay in public toilets or even better a detergent that really does take away that awful pong that seems to resonate from these hell holes. I feel so sorry for people who have to clean public toilets. Could you imagine doing that and having to deal with some of natures most disgusting smells and body fluids? Thanks to George Michael we know that a public bathroom has multiple uses. However disgusting these places are they are there to serve a purpose… instant relief.
There should be some sort of bathroom etiquette when it comes to public bathrooms, but as everything if it is not up to the individual to clean up people tend to have little respect and their hygiene goes down the toilet. Some girls cannot squat! I have been doing it for years and according to the gynecologist it will only make your pelvis stronger, so do not believe all those horror stories you hear about squatting. Some squatters tend to aim and miss HORRIBLY. Yes! Some women out there pee on the seat just like men do and they too do not feel the need to wipe it up, but instead leave it there as a surprise for the next user. It’s your pee… clean that stuff up. I have been in to girls bathrooms bursting and there is a queue for the girls bathroom I run in to the guys bathroom. I’m quick like a cat! Guys… those urinals smell like stale pee mixed with the cheapest cleaning fluid you could find. Don’t get me started on the puddles of pee all over the floor. How? I remember someone posting this picture on Twitter about a fly being engraved on a urinal and how that improved mens aim so they didn’t miss their target as often. Seriously? Is it that difficult to concentrate for the 20 seconds you may pee for?
What is with the doors being on top of the toilets? You have to squeeze yourself between the toilet and the toilet paper holder to get the door shut. That is disgusting because you have to inch your legs past all these nasty things and you do not know if pee has splashed up on to anything. Then you walk out the bathroom and there is this huge space for people to what… have tea parties? Tuck in to their lunch? Don’t be so stingy with toilet cubicle space and then waste all this other space on… BLANK??? Then you get teeny tiny spaces with a door that won’t shut and some magical toilets have toilet seats that do not close. I have been so desperate sometimes I hold the door closed, keep the toilet seat shut and pop a squat! When did peeing become an Olympic sport? I have also been in public bathrooms where the only reason my friends and I share the cubicle is because someone had to hold the seat up while the other person tries to go without getting stage fright. That is just so wrong!
The people in public toilets could stand to learn some manners! When you walk in to the bathroom take a look around to see who was there before you. Ask them before you decide to dive in to the first cubicle that opens. I remember this one women ran in front of me and I said ‘excuse me, I was here before you.’ So she says sorry and still walks in to the cubicle? What a bitch! And I hear some guys like to chit chat while they pee? Remember you are holding your thing while you try and have a conversation with some random guy. There is a cubicle in the girls bathroom at Fez in Cape Town that has 2 toilets in it and that is a little weird. When you have had a bit to drink it is pretty damn funny, but it is not something you see everyday! Girls often pee in groups… we like to keep on talking, but only with our friends. I would never invite a stranger in to the bathroom to pee with me! Girls, would any of you do that?
Public toilets are nasty, stinky, necessary public hazards… has anything really funny ever happened to you in a public toilet? I remember once in Germany I was so hammered I put money in to one of those vending machines with random sex toys and out came this gold penis key chain… I ended up auctioning it off to an even drunker guy for about 50 Euro… Tell me more! Public bathroom stories are yuck and hilariously funny to laugh at in retrospect…