The Nice guy…

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So I was having a chat with this really awesome guy and we got on to the subject of nice guys. You know, ‘nice guys always finish last.’ I never believed that guys are only friends with girls for one reason, but after many debates and many ‘ah’ moments I finally see that guys really won’t make that kind of effort with a girl and spend all that time with them if they weren’t expecting a little something more. Why do guys put themselves through that and why do girls never realise it when it is happening to them? You see all these movies about moving out of the friends zone and how you should do it and when it is too late and all that, but it still happens every day. It has happened to me and here I figured it was nice to have guy friends because they are so much less stressful than girls can be only to find out that the friendship is a farce… I do not mean that in a bad way I just mean that all the effort being pumped in to said friendship is in the hope of a relationship. Nice guys are not victims! Let’s be realistic about this.

So ‘nice guys’ become annoyed because they end up believing that girls always end up with the bad boy. Do not hide behind your meek I am such a nice guy and I never seem to get the girl nonsense. The brutal truth is that maybe you are reaching for some one out of your league. There is nothing wrong with that, but ‘nice guys’ please remember that there has to be an attraction from both sides. Answering to a girls every beck and call is not going to win them over or make them see you any differently, it is just going to turn you in to their best guy friend and possibly their little helper.True, girls should not take advantage of guys like that, because at the end of the day it is theirs feelings for you that is forcing them to kiss your butt. Personality is part of the package, but what about physical attraction? Do not go running around calling girls shallow because you are such a good person and you are peeved that they cannot see beyond what your looks. Why do you so desperately want them… because you were first physically attracted to them and then you got to know them. Why should it be any different for the girl?

Yes, girls go around crying because they keep getting hurt by these so called ‘bad boys.’ There was a girl crying in the bathroom this weekend at a club so I figured ‘shame, let me see if she is alright.’ It turns out the guy has messed her around more than once and I told her when you are drunk everything seems worse than it is and she should probably stop giving this douche more opportunities to use and abuse her. Girls, please… when you say ‘yes, but’ you need to have your head read! The guy is using you because you let him and if he has proven more than once that he is not serious then take a hint and move on. Why should it be a crime to now want to be tied down and be in a relationship? When a guy wants to be with you trust me, you will know! Expect with ‘nice guys’ for some reason???

Nice guys, please tell us why you hang around watching the girl you so desperately want to be with go from guy to guy instead of telling her how you feel? is it fear of rejection or fear of losing the friendship and things becoming awkward? Girls… do you know when that the guy likes you and you keep stringing him along? Then again if this so called ‘nice guy’ is looking to hook up with you is there really such a thing as a ‘nice guy’?

ME

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5 responses »

  1. Great blog, again.

    The whole “nice guys finish last” mentality is such BS. In reality that guy is not nice, he’s pathetic.
    I have great/nice/awesome friends, and they all finished first, by marrying brilliant woman.

  2. Hi missy, is that you in the background? with the scary sparkel in the eye hehe, weird how i got to read the post. but any way..

    1. yes you get nice guys and you get assholes (naturals) and that is how some men see it. why? because the bad guy always gets the girl – ( cant stop wanting something thats a challenge to you right ?) why do we call them naturals? – they have some game and know about it, problem is they dont know how to use it 100% and usually end up hurting women (that is where the whole “i always find good men but they end up hurting me” comes from. ) its those bad boys that sexually drives you so crazy you let them hurt you so badly (because not all men knows how your mind works, – ends up throwing it on the floor… think about that one) with you just handing your heart to them.

    2. I dont think you care any less about nice guys the same as what good looking men cant care less about easy women. why? – because you say no to every guy that buys you a drink right? …thats a nice guy trying to *(&%* you. “i buy you a drink and you owe me something”. tan tan tan. wrong !!!. its all a game. its a psychological thing. the ugliest guy walking earth could pick you up and you wont even know it, just by playing you right. Same way we build rapport with someone in a business situation that same way we build rapport in “relationships” and people we meet. we click with people who’s got something in common with us or who mirrors you ?/// (sick world hey, it all comes from our own minds) .. a guy with confidence, style and attitude a smile and a strong walk will be more attractive to you that a man with a sloppy look, walking shoulders down, and not even looking you in the face? .. nice guy / bad guy ?? (its so clear hey. yea there’ about 3000 things like that you can mirror and just be natural). power / status / confidence / humor / looks / tone of voice / demonstration of higher value etc…. bla bla bla

    Friends part . . . . . . you are right to an extend. some “nice guys” become friends with women hoping that they will “see” them one day and always feels attracted to them (some women as well?? yes). where as some guys have really close female friends. I have female buddies thats like sisters and no i wont sleep with them even if you pay me, that is friends zone….. and guys fall into this friends zone easily because they dont know how to “seduce” women or how to express their own emotions. they put women on pedestals and women start using them abusing them emotionally and psychologically just for what they have to offer, we are all human like that and society has given women that “power” to walk over men and seduce them ……… i could prob go on and write you another 4000 word blog post on this. (will see how i feel maybe i do, if you say please.) but ill end it with this,

    I was dating this stripper when i was still living in JHB and she had a similar story where she explained to me the one day that being a women could be so boring and that is why a lot of women become lesbians, they want to be able to “hunt” the same way as men do and they want to feel a man being a challenge for them thats what makes the “game” so much more fun… and i stopped her after she said that, made her write it down and read it (it was more than just this yet you get the idea and i have given you enough content already πŸ˜› )….. it kinda sounds disturbing the way we talk about these things yet that is the truth, that is how we do “hook up” its games we play with each others minds… if you are aware of it then you are in control. if you are not then you are not ?!? … fact remains we play games, if it is with our own heart or with others we all just doing this adventure of life…. playing the main rolls and every now and then we fall in love and let life play us…… ??

    just thought ill give you some of my opinion on this. cool post glad you had the realization.

    Regards.

    Chris Captivate

  3. Very interesting blog!

    There’s some interesting dynamics at play behind the nice guy syndrome.

    Almost every attractive woman will have lots of guy friends and most of them will want more from her than just being friends. And most times they will deny this is confronted about it.

    There are also 2 sets of rules out there for women…the way things work for average looking women and the way things work for very attractive women. Attractive women rarely buy their own drinks; rarely wait long to be served at the bar; get let into clubs without waiting; have guys jumping through hopes to keep them happy.

    Over time, they get used to this and see this as completely normal. Most attractive women are completely oblivious to the nice guys orbiting around them. Think about it…how many of your guy friends could you ask to give you a lift at the last minute across town or to take you out to dinner without any notice? Chances are these guys are all nice guys wanting more.

    The obvious question then is where do these “nice guys” come from?

    Well for the most part the mothers and the women of the world are the primary cause. Most guys will recall their mothers or female friends telling them how to behave towards women and how to get a woman interesting in them. And most of that advice — however well intentioned — is terrible.

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