Men and the.. penis!

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I will have to warn my parents that they may find the content below disturbing coming from their daughter… ok, you have been warned! Maybe the girls will need to have this one explained to us. We get the whole its your ‘manhood’ and your special ‘companion’ but is it too much to ask that you refrain from drawing attention to the little guy unless its absolutely necessary and hopefully in private? I am not just taking about guys obsessing over size and all that… have you seen how many men tug and yank at their bits and pieces in public? I know they itch, we all itch in awkward places but I do not want to see you adjusting your nuts or having a little reunion with it. I don’t even think guys notice that they are doing it, because some of them literally pull at it in front of people without batting an eyelid. It is not an invisible movement and it is not something you can mask in a strategic way. I remember this one guy at school would be walking across the field and he would do a full on hop-skip movement while he ‘discreetly’ adjusted. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom and adjust and scratch away! If you find the little guy is uncomfortable often maybe you should purchase some better undies that offer more support… or get a cream!

I have never been in to a guys change room, but I have heard some stories. Why do you check out another guys tools? If you are avoiding making eye contact just remember the last place you should look is down. It probably does not make a very good impression. Do guys really laugh at one another’s goods? Girls ridicule each others bodies because we want to make ourselves feel better. Why laugh at someone because they do not want to shower in communal showers and automatically assume it is because there is something wrong with the penis? If you make jokes about someones penis you know that means you looked at it long and hard (dammit, excuse the play on those 2 words) enough to come up with that joke, right? Who is the freak now? Do guys know the average size worldwide, is 13.97cm (5.5 inches)? The thing is it is the same as big boobs… some people are obsessed with things like that, but not everyone cares. What’s that saying again… it’s the motion of the ocean… So just because you may be well endowed does not mean you know what to do with it!

What about these weirdos who will whip their prick out just to get some attention? Who wants to see that? The world is not a porno so keep that thing where it belongs… in your undies and in your pants! You may think it is a joke but there is actually a breed of men out there who like to show off their penis. Look at Pricaso! The man uses his winky, balls and butt to paint a portrait of you and he records it so you can take it home and watch it. I was mortified that people actually sat there while this man pulled and dipped and applied the paint to the canvas, but at the same time I could not look away because the man was using his thing to paint a picture and he didn’t do a bad job of it. At least you were pre-warned that he would have his on display. Some guys will just whip it out anywhere without a heads up (I really did not mean that the way it came out). Not everyone wants to see what you’ve got even though you may be proud of it so before you do a little show and dance know your audience!

Guys, you have given girls the perfect ammunition… when things go pear-shaped (sorry, I meant chipolata-shaped) we mock everything we can about your goods. From how badly you kissed to how inadequate you may or may not be. We are women, we can find fault ANYWHERE and with ANYTHING. Yes, we are such bitches, but when we get hurt we have to hit you where it hurts too. Do guys even care that girls take a dig at the crowned jewels when things go wrong? Do guys say the same about girls? Wouldn’t it just be more effective if we went around kicking guys in the nuts? Men do not really respond to bitchiness so maybe the physical agony they would have to endure after being kneed in the groin would make the point a little louder and hopefully transparent, never mind clearer. Whatever the thing is about men and the penis just remember this, quality over quantity…

ME

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3 responses »

  1. OMW! LMSAO!!!! I can’t stop laughing reading this piece, BM! It’s too funny.

    That said, you’ll be surprise to know that guys say nastier things about girls. Some of my guy friends used to tell me the things guys talk about in the locker room etc.

    And I agree with you – I don’t get why some guys have a tug-of-war with their goodies. Honestly, I’ve never seen my SO done it in public.. seriously!

    • So men do say nasty things about women… i thought so! they act like they don’t gossip or say mean things but they do!

      I can’t handle the yanking and tugging…! Drives me insane! Maybe this will make men more aware of what they are doing.. lol!

      Glad you enjoyed it.

  2. Sometimes, on a hot day, a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do. Cause it gets hot and sweaty down there. Nice if you’re with a lady but not so much when you’re not.

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