The Rebound

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I do not think it is a privilege to be anyone’s rebound, but it happens to everyone and everyone needs a little rebound every now and again. You may think you have never been someone’s rebound, but if you pulled your pretty little head out of your butt you would see it ain’t so. A guy I was chatting to the other day said that he wants to make sure he is in the right head space before he brings another person in to his life. I know, right… you don’t expect men to be so deep and then they go and shock you like that! I am just kidding. I was truly blown away by what he said not only because it is rare to find someone so brutally honesty, but mostly because people are so self-obsessed these days they do not seem to care whether they take someone else down with them during their rampage of self-destruction or not. We are such complicated beings without relationship baggage on top of that and it seems only fair to move on to the next relationship without dragging previous relationship issues in with you.

When you hear rebound you think sex. I suppose that is part of it, but the big question is why do people rebound? Why do you need to get with the next person to move on from the past and is rebound just to prove you can still get laid?

The truth is people rebound after they break-up with someone who was significant in their lives. If you had a strong emotional connection that ended before you were both ready to say good-bye the rebound person you are with thereafter is there to serve as a distraction for you. You must know what it is like when you cannot seem to get someone else out of your mind and you fight the urge to think about them for fear that you may try and contact them, which may make you seem rather desperate. It is emotional turmoil and in an attempt to escape that pain you find someone else to focus on. Rebound cannot be a good start to a long lasting relationship with someone. You probably do not even realise you are distant or different with the rebound person, but they will notice you acting strangely. Your heart is not really in it, you just need something to take your mind off what you had. You think you are trying to move on, but it is just a quick fix to quell the fear of being alone. The worst thing is some rebound relationships last past their expiry date and people try and force something to work that just does not and will not work.

You expect your rebound person to make up for everything you lacked in your relationship; you are desperate to numb your pain; you move on to soon (serial monogamists should be very careful when it comes to that) and although you are just trying to make your break-up easier on yourself you are inevitably going to be hurting someone else. Why lie about being on the rebound? At least if people are aware they know what they are getting themselves in to, but we are all so selfish we just think about what we need and when we need it. If you come out of a relationship and you want to enjoy being single for a while that is very different to jumping in to a new relationship. Emotional pain will not kill you so why not just deal with it properly and maybe get to know yourself a bit better so you go in to the next relationship a bit wiser. You may be surprised to find that the pain goes away quicker than you think and through rebound you are just delaying the inevitable. Give your self a couple of days to mourn the relationship and then focus on the good things you have in life. They always say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

ME

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