… Don’t say anything at all!
If you could not finish off that little saying I am afraid you need to be sent to the naughty corner until you know it. My acting teachers used to say ‘If i wake you up in the middle of the night you should know your lines so well you can recite them without hesitation.’ The same goes for that little saying. That should be something that is drilled in to every child’s head across the world. I feel this mostly applies to gossip. Relaying information from one friend to another is not the same as gossiping about a friend. Gossip is when you discuss another person.
Gossip is hurtful and not nice and we all do it. I am no exception. I try hard to not gossip and be mean about other people, because it really is just not nice. Most of the time we are unreasonable as people, especially us women. We do not know why we feel the need to sit and gossip about other people and you can bet your closest friend is doing it to you! Get over your denial. You do it to them and they do it to you. The worst part is once you start being nasty you have begun a vicious cycle that has no hope of ending well and sometimes it will not end until someone gets very hurt. You have to ask yourself if losing a friendship or relationship is really worth the gossip and the not being nice.
What should you do when someone says something you deem not nice?
If you are expecting a revelation I am sorry to disappoint you by telling you I do not have the answer to that. Our first instinct is generally to lash out and get sweet revenge. There are levels of nastiness and each of us can tolerate a certain amount of nastiness before we lash out. I think when someone is being unnecessarily derogatory or condescending and attacking you personally you should stand up for yourself. As long as you do not start it I do not see why you should not finish it. Finishing it does not give you a free pass to be even nastier than the person who started it otherwise the whole point of, if you have nothing nice to say then do not say anything at all, was obviously not drilled in to your head either. Some people may be callous enough to get you to trust them, to open up and gossip only to twist your words and spread the ‘mean things’ YOU have been saying around.
It is in our nature to gossip so if you get caught out always remember you had the choice to keep your mouth shut and not participate because you knew you had nothing nice to say, but you went ahead and said it anyways.